Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Wǒ xiǎngniàn nǐ

I miss you. 

There. I said it and now, I'm writing about it, too. You make so aware and in the same instance, I feel very lost. I don't know if I should stay the course, or leave. Shall I stay on this or go? You tell me to go, but your actions do not mirror your words. It is as if you want to test my limits and see how far I can take. 

I told you I would take care of you, and I have. I will continue to do so if you would let me. You keep asking me the same questions. I give you the same answers and yet, you still cannot understand what I'm saying, so I let my actions speak for me --- but it's as if you play dumb and tell me you don't get it and other times, I know you get it but you still say you don't. 

Which is it? You ask me if tou were to move, would I move with you. You know the answer to that and I told you myself is yes, and then, the topic is tabled for a different time. 

If actions were enough, I wouldn't be in such a deep internal conversation with myself trying to figure what exactly you mean, and it would be nice if I could just ask you, but you probably don't know either. 

So, again --- here I am, writing these thoughts down before I drive myself crazy. But I know this ----- I miss you. Wǒ xiǎngniàn nǐ.

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