Things I want to say ............

But instead, I decide not to say a word to anyone. Why? Because some things are better left unspoken. Though, some things have been unintentionally spoken (I think). 

I thought I had a good handle on my emotions. I could say - for the most part, I do. Yet, that would be a lie of epic proportions, too. I wish I could just turn off my emotions. An on-and-off switch would be great. 

Times like this one all I want is to disappear. 

Disappearing sounds pretty good. Go anywhere else and have a new start. It's not that I'm running away, but I guess it could definitely appear as if I am. I just want to get away from the thoughts and feelings that I am being bombarded with ... or am I being overly dramatic? 

The things I want to say... my Mr. J comes to mind first. I want to share my confusion, which is very odd because the confusion is mixed with some certainty, too. The future is right there, but I should focus in the present. And the past? My past has been haunting me so much the past several days that I'm not exactly sure what to make of that...

And the dreams I have been having! It's more like a scene out of a movie. So detailed but every time I want to get closer, my vision gets blurry. 

I have things to say to family, friends... coworkers... 

And yet, I keep it all inside --- within me, I have no idea if that is a good idea or not. 

My thoughts are inundated with so many ... I can't figure out why there is a lot of confusion. On the surface, I appear calm and collected. On the inside? It isn't turmoil. It's a whirlwind of everything. 

Everything. 

My thoughts have a way of leaking out. On its own, it streams to my consciousness and my day-to-day life.