Saturday, April 15, 2017

I don't know what to call this one...

Writing used to come easy for me. Like it would be a leaky faucet -- always had something to say so it was easy to write. These days, I think I stay in my head a lot more than I used to. I'm not as outgoing or outspoken. I generally just go with the flow.

I practically live in my head. I go through the motions of every day living. Well, that isn't true. I just don't say a lot and thereby I'm always told I'm too quiet. Too reserved. However, get enough drinks in me and I become a chatterbox. I don't think I'm using liquor as my segway to being more lively. No, I don't think so. I'm just saying that I'm not as vocal as I used to be in my younger years.

I used to be able to just say whatever is on my mind without any care in the world. Sometimes, I still think I do. But I definitely have a filter now.

For the most part, whatever I say these days aren't meant to be hurtful. Nothing I say is intentional, unless I want it to be intentional. It's a bit odd that I don't say things as I used to. I mainly say it inside my head. And for those who know me well enough, know when I'm thinking something that I want to say but I don't end up saying because, you know, being tactful is the name of the game nowadays.


Friday, April 14, 2017

Job offer

I recently accepted an offer and will start at the new job on the last Monday of this month (4/24).

It will be similar to what I was doing at Covance prior to me leaving there. A part of me wishes I stayed because I had developed great relationships with people, but I wasn't going anywhere there. So, I left and did a short stint with Republic Services where I learned people get so passionate about their trash ...and then, I left that, too, and landed in market research where I sort of learned what a Project Coordinator does ...and I left that as well due to its hostile work environment. It was a lesson learned the hard way (TIP: Look up companies on Glassdoor! And pay attention to the reviews.)

And here I am. Waiting for the new job to start. It's going to be an intense 12 week training.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Moving Forward

I neglected to mention that J and I reconciled. I moved back in with him a couple of months ago. Anyways, J and I want to start a family sometime soon. We are planning on getting a house in a couple of years, and keeping the condo as rental property.  

A lot has happened actually in the last several months:
I started a new job in January and left it as of yesterday. I start my new job in a couple of weeks. I'm excited. 

I need to work on writing again. Just carve out a few minutes a day and stick to it. Wish me luck!

Friday, February 24, 2017

Can't be Political

I'm the nicest person you may ever meet in your life.



But people nowadays are so messed up and get their panties in a twist with just a movie quote. I don't get people.

I guess I'll just keep quiet in my corner. And not say a word while you demean yourself and the people around you. While pretending to be an All-American individual.

Whatever.

Friday, February 17, 2017

2017 ... so far

It's only the second month of the year. And it's been filled with up and downs.

Keep your head up, America. There's still 3 years, 10 months and how many days until the current administration is over. (If it lasts the four year duration).

I can't believe this is where we are now. Every day, there is something new or "alternatively true" or something unbelievably scandalous. :shaking my head:

So far, this year has been unreal. And yet, this is our reality. Sadly enough, it is.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Dream(ing)

Most of you know that I dream and very vividly I might add. Well, I happened to sleep last night though it was interrupted several times because I would wake up. Then fall back asleep feeling confused because I thought I was awake but ha, I was not. And look at that, I "wrote" down times and the dreams associated with it. Any dreamers on here know how to interpret?

121a I woke up because I thought you were here. I don't know who "you" is but I thought it was J because I fell asleep thinking of him and wanting to be held by him.

419a I woke up again because I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

550a I woke up for the third time because I heard something or someone saying something I couldn't make sense but there was an accompanying sound of whittling or scratching -I'm not entirely sure. I thought I heard someone say "mother" in informal Korean. Or it could be Chinese. Could be both. I don't know but I know for sure it wasn't Japanese.

801a I woke up to the name "dada" like a little kid was saying. A little boy to be more precise and I told the little boy whose name I said out loud "Johnny, daddy isn't here. Why don't you come in and cuddle with mommy?" And I swear I felt little hands go around my swollen belly followed by the cutest little boy voice telling me "it's okay mama, I'll be here to protect you and little sister." I felt him pat my belly and give me a wet kiss on the cheek, like he licked me.

This last dream I have been having but this time, it felt so real and waking up from it makes me sad, just a little. It's not an overwhelming sadness but sad enough to make tears appear unshed.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Relapse ...

So, it's official as of yesterday that I have a relapse. The "c" is back. Except no one knows where. It could be in my ovaries hence the miscarriages. Could be in my lungs as I've been coughing for far too long and I am not a smoker. Could be in my cervix again. Another barrage of tests as of yesterday were done, but the blood work (and why do they always take soooo much blood?) shows something ...that remission was short-lived.

I apologize now if I lose a ton of weight, or how gaunt I may look, or how paler I will be.