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It's one of those nights where I just want to get up and go. Never come back. There's no point of staying and expecting a different outcome. I'm restless. Depressed? Maybe. I just know I want out. And at the same time I don't know if I should run away. I don't want to but maybe I should. I don't know. I feel like everyone else is pregnant and starting a family meanwhile I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Music makes me feel alive. But I don't know if that is the right courts of action for me. I like writing. But can I make a living out of it? Writers are essentially liars -- crafting stories out of nothing. Breathing "life" into a somewhat mundane world. I want to be a kpop idol, but alas I think I'm too old to be debuting in a rookie group. I want to be a mommy so much that I don't think it'll ever happen. I don't want to be stuck. I'm out of sorts. If I had any balls, I might have walked to the roof and jumped already. There's a kdrama I'm watching called Save Me and I can relate ....those people in that cult are quite insane. If I learned anything from that show, it would be to never mess with a religious cult. I'm thinking a million miles a second and I can't type any single coherent thought out. I'm just ....