I
Chris and I met at a coffee house one fall day in late September. I was ordering a chai latte when he approached me.
"They make the best chai in town here," he whispered.
Startled, I looked up at him. "Yeah, I know," I said with a sheepish grin.
He was beautiful. Soft, curly, brown hair fell gently over his hard, chiseled face.
He wore a torn, tie-dyed shirt that looked as if it hadn't been washed in years and he stood with unreserved confidence. I was wildly attracted to him.
Before I knew it, I was back at his apartment, naked, drenched in sweat, and overwhelmed with guilt. He slept while I laid on his cold, hard mattress feeling sick to my stomach. I could feel the vomit rising up in my throat; it was the latte I drank a few hours earlier. I had to get out of there. Slowly getting out of his bed, I threw on my clothes and snuck out of his bedroom.
"Kirsten? Where are you going?"
"Shit," I thought to myself. I didn't want to look at him. I was ashamed and felt like a whore.
"Umm, I have to go," I responded quickly.
He stood in the doorway of his room, naked, free, fearless.
"Well, can I call you," he asked.
I stood in the hallway examining his face. "Was he serious," I questioned silently, "did he actually want to see me again?" His magnetic blue eyes pierced through me like daggers, which made me slightly uneasy.
"Uh, ok yea sure," I muttered.
He motioned towards me. Grabbing a pen and paper of the computer desk that sat in the corner of the hall, he handed it to me.
"Here, write your number down."
II
"So, when do you guys see each other again," Karen asked.
It had been three weeks since Chris and I met and we had been talking daily ever since.
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I guess we're supposed to get together sometime this weekend. Catch a movie or something."
Karen and I sat across from each other in the dimly lit bar room talking quietly. She was my best friend, my confidant, the sister I never had.
"So, how was the sex? You never told me."
"Karen," I squealed, practically spitting my beer all of the table.
"What? It's not like it's anything new," she said as she lit a cigarette.
She was right, it wasn't anything new. I always told her about the guys I slept with. Except this time, it was a little different. Maybe it was because Chris and I did it the first time we met, or maybe it was because I actually like him. Either way, I didn't want to discuss it.
"Never mind about that," I said trying to avoid the subject at all costs. "Can we talk about something else please?"
"Whatever."
III
I couldn't believe what was happening. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe it was because I had been under a lot of stress lately and that's why I'm late. Regardless, I was scared and had to talk to someone. I picked up my cell phone and called Karen right away.
"Hey, what's up Hun?"
"Hey you gotta minute?"
"Yea, why what's going on?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to tell her, but I had to tell someone. "I'm, I'm late, if you know what I mean," I stammered.
"What? What do you mean your late," she snapped.
"Well, it's been five days now. I don't know."
"Oh my god Kirsten! I thought you used protection."
My faced burned with shame. I lied to her. We didn't. It was bad enough I slept with someone I barely knew the first day we met let alone not use any sort of protection, how could I admit to her I was such a whore? I lied once more.
"W-we did. I don't know for sure. Anything can happen you know!"
"Alright, well, I'll come over as soon as I can. We'll go get you a test, okay?"
IV
I sat on the cold edge of my bathtub staring at the instructions of the pregnancy test. I didn't want to take it but I knew I had to. One line not pregnant, two lines pregnant. I took the test.
"Well, what does it say," Karen shouted through the locked door.
"It's not ready yet," I called.
It probably was but I didn't want to look. I felt sick to my stomach. Slowly, I picked up the thin stick that held my destiny in its hand. I paused. Opening the door, Karen looked at me with sympathy. She already knew. I handed the stick to her and began to cry.
V
"Well, I-I have money," he mumbled. "I mean, ya know, for whatever you decide to do."
"W-what," I stammered.
My mind raced. Did he really just say that? Chris and I had only slept together once. We had only knew each other a few weeks and I'm pregnant with his child. All he had to say was that he had money. What did he mean by that? Did he want me to abort the baby? Was he willing to pay for it if I decided to keep it? What could I say to that?
"W-what do you mean, you have money? We need to discuss this, Chris."
"Yea, yea I know. Well, I mean I-," he paused for awhile. "Listen Kirsten, you gotta understand I can't have a kid right now. I just started this new job, I'm trying to buy a house, I'm 23 years old for Christ's sake. I-I just…"
Was he serious? Did he really think I was prepared for this as well? I could feel my face turning red with fury. Although every curse word flowed through my head, I didn't want to start an argument. We agreed to meet at my apartment the next day to discuss further action on what to do about out newly found problem.
VI
Chris arrived at my apartment the next morning bearing a frown and a cup of coffee. He slinked through my doorway looking around for another person.
"Is there someone here," he snapped cockily.
"No!"
Irritated, I slammed the door behind him. The sound of his voice made me sick. Suddenly, the beauty I saw in him that day at the coffee shop and the amazing conversations we held on the phone with one another, all slipped my mind and transformed into a ball of hatred.
"So, what's up," he asked as he slumped on my plush couch. "Are we agreeing on this?"
"Agreeing on what? We haven't eve talked about anything yet," I screamed.
"Alright, alright. Calm down," he barked back. "So, lets discuss this."
Chris and I talked for what seemed like hours. We couldn't agree on anything. He wanted to terminate the baby, I didn't know what I wanted. We weighed every possibility until finally, we agreed on what to do.
"Alright, so I'll see you tomorrow?"
Opening the door to let Chris out, I stared at him. His eyes were warm and flashed me the 'I really do care about you' look.
"Yea, I'll see you tomorrow." he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and hurried out the door.
VII
I stared out the window watching the flashes of the farms and pastures fly by me. My mind was racing. Can this really be happening? I couldn't do it.
"Wait," I screamed.
"Jesus Kirsten! What," Chris snapped.
"I-I don't think I can do this. I can't We have to turn around."
"Look, we talked about this yesterday, it's the best thing for us. I'll be right there with you. It's okay," he grabbed my hand and squeezed tight. Deep down I knew he was right but something told me otherwise.
VIII
Pulling into the parking lot of the clinic there were protestors everywhere. Men and women holding picket signs and shouting obscenities at the windows of the center. I couldn't move.
"What-what's going on," I stammered.
"I dunno. Religious fanatics I assume. Don't worry about it. Just ignore them."
I got out of the car. I had decided earlier on the long drive that I wasn't going to go through with the abortion. I was going to trick Chris and tell him I did it and then never speak to him again. I'd have the baby on my own. I could do it. Women do it all the time. After all, it was my fault. Walking up to the doors of the hospital, people ran up to me shouting.
"You whore!"
"Your going to hell for this!"
"God will punish you!"
Suddenly, out of no where, I heard a gun shot and I fell to the ground. At that moment, the problem was solved.
"They make the best chai in town here," he whispered.
Startled, I looked up at him. "Yeah, I know," I said with a sheepish grin.
He was beautiful. Soft, curly, brown hair fell gently over his hard, chiseled face.
He wore a torn, tie-dyed shirt that looked as if it hadn't been washed in years and he stood with unreserved confidence. I was wildly attracted to him.
Before I knew it, I was back at his apartment, naked, drenched in sweat, and overwhelmed with guilt. He slept while I laid on his cold, hard mattress feeling sick to my stomach. I could feel the vomit rising up in my throat; it was the latte I drank a few hours earlier. I had to get out of there. Slowly getting out of his bed, I threw on my clothes and snuck out of his bedroom.
"Kirsten? Where are you going?"
"Shit," I thought to myself. I didn't want to look at him. I was ashamed and felt like a whore.
"Umm, I have to go," I responded quickly.
He stood in the doorway of his room, naked, free, fearless.
"Well, can I call you," he asked.
I stood in the hallway examining his face. "Was he serious," I questioned silently, "did he actually want to see me again?" His magnetic blue eyes pierced through me like daggers, which made me slightly uneasy.
"Uh, ok yea sure," I muttered.
He motioned towards me. Grabbing a pen and paper of the computer desk that sat in the corner of the hall, he handed it to me.
"Here, write your number down."
II
"So, when do you guys see each other again," Karen asked.
It had been three weeks since Chris and I met and we had been talking daily ever since.
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I guess we're supposed to get together sometime this weekend. Catch a movie or something."
Karen and I sat across from each other in the dimly lit bar room talking quietly. She was my best friend, my confidant, the sister I never had.
"So, how was the sex? You never told me."
"Karen," I squealed, practically spitting my beer all of the table.
"What? It's not like it's anything new," she said as she lit a cigarette.
She was right, it wasn't anything new. I always told her about the guys I slept with. Except this time, it was a little different. Maybe it was because Chris and I did it the first time we met, or maybe it was because I actually like him. Either way, I didn't want to discuss it.
"Never mind about that," I said trying to avoid the subject at all costs. "Can we talk about something else please?"
"Whatever."
III
I couldn't believe what was happening. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe it was because I had been under a lot of stress lately and that's why I'm late. Regardless, I was scared and had to talk to someone. I picked up my cell phone and called Karen right away.
"Hey, what's up Hun?"
"Hey you gotta minute?"
"Yea, why what's going on?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to tell her, but I had to tell someone. "I'm, I'm late, if you know what I mean," I stammered.
"What? What do you mean your late," she snapped.
"Well, it's been five days now. I don't know."
"Oh my god Kirsten! I thought you used protection."
My faced burned with shame. I lied to her. We didn't. It was bad enough I slept with someone I barely knew the first day we met let alone not use any sort of protection, how could I admit to her I was such a whore? I lied once more.
"W-we did. I don't know for sure. Anything can happen you know!"
"Alright, well, I'll come over as soon as I can. We'll go get you a test, okay?"
IV
I sat on the cold edge of my bathtub staring at the instructions of the pregnancy test. I didn't want to take it but I knew I had to. One line not pregnant, two lines pregnant. I took the test.
"Well, what does it say," Karen shouted through the locked door.
"It's not ready yet," I called.
It probably was but I didn't want to look. I felt sick to my stomach. Slowly, I picked up the thin stick that held my destiny in its hand. I paused. Opening the door, Karen looked at me with sympathy. She already knew. I handed the stick to her and began to cry.
V
"Well, I-I have money," he mumbled. "I mean, ya know, for whatever you decide to do."
"W-what," I stammered.
My mind raced. Did he really just say that? Chris and I had only slept together once. We had only knew each other a few weeks and I'm pregnant with his child. All he had to say was that he had money. What did he mean by that? Did he want me to abort the baby? Was he willing to pay for it if I decided to keep it? What could I say to that?
"W-what do you mean, you have money? We need to discuss this, Chris."
"Yea, yea I know. Well, I mean I-," he paused for awhile. "Listen Kirsten, you gotta understand I can't have a kid right now. I just started this new job, I'm trying to buy a house, I'm 23 years old for Christ's sake. I-I just…"
Was he serious? Did he really think I was prepared for this as well? I could feel my face turning red with fury. Although every curse word flowed through my head, I didn't want to start an argument. We agreed to meet at my apartment the next day to discuss further action on what to do about out newly found problem.
VI
Chris arrived at my apartment the next morning bearing a frown and a cup of coffee. He slinked through my doorway looking around for another person.
"Is there someone here," he snapped cockily.
"No!"
Irritated, I slammed the door behind him. The sound of his voice made me sick. Suddenly, the beauty I saw in him that day at the coffee shop and the amazing conversations we held on the phone with one another, all slipped my mind and transformed into a ball of hatred.
"So, what's up," he asked as he slumped on my plush couch. "Are we agreeing on this?"
"Agreeing on what? We haven't eve talked about anything yet," I screamed.
"Alright, alright. Calm down," he barked back. "So, lets discuss this."
Chris and I talked for what seemed like hours. We couldn't agree on anything. He wanted to terminate the baby, I didn't know what I wanted. We weighed every possibility until finally, we agreed on what to do.
"Alright, so I'll see you tomorrow?"
Opening the door to let Chris out, I stared at him. His eyes were warm and flashed me the 'I really do care about you' look.
"Yea, I'll see you tomorrow." he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and hurried out the door.
VII
I stared out the window watching the flashes of the farms and pastures fly by me. My mind was racing. Can this really be happening? I couldn't do it.
"Wait," I screamed.
"Jesus Kirsten! What," Chris snapped.
"I-I don't think I can do this. I can't We have to turn around."
"Look, we talked about this yesterday, it's the best thing for us. I'll be right there with you. It's okay," he grabbed my hand and squeezed tight. Deep down I knew he was right but something told me otherwise.
VIII
Pulling into the parking lot of the clinic there were protestors everywhere. Men and women holding picket signs and shouting obscenities at the windows of the center. I couldn't move.
"What-what's going on," I stammered.
"I dunno. Religious fanatics I assume. Don't worry about it. Just ignore them."
I got out of the car. I had decided earlier on the long drive that I wasn't going to go through with the abortion. I was going to trick Chris and tell him I did it and then never speak to him again. I'd have the baby on my own. I could do it. Women do it all the time. After all, it was my fault. Walking up to the doors of the hospital, people ran up to me shouting.
"You whore!"
"Your going to hell for this!"
"God will punish you!"
Suddenly, out of no where, I heard a gun shot and I fell to the ground. At that moment, the problem was solved.
No comments:
Post a Comment